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04 December 2013 @ 12:33 am
[Oneshot] The Meaning of Happiness (Kaisoo)  
Title: The Meaning of Happiness
Pairing: Kaisoo (mentions of HunHan, Yewook and HenMin[SJ])
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 3558
Summary: There were lots of things Kyungsoo would never be able to understand, but there was that one thing – that emotion everybody around have been talking about, perhaps it was that feeling, called happiness, that he was finally able to understand.



A/N: So maybe I was feeling a little bit sentimental all over Kaisoo pair. And maybe I kind of want to get them both in a bubble together and have them happily love each other forever. So maybe I'm being sappy and writing fluff again. Don't ask me why I wrote New Years' AU already even though its just the beginning of December, just bear with me XD

There are some things Kyungsoo would never understand.

He would never understand how of all people in the world, he had to be the one stuck on a double shift on Christmas eve.

It's not like he had anything better to do, but it was that one time of the year, he was going to sit in his apartment, and have some comfort time with himself, cook something for himself for a change, and maybe sulk a little about how he's still all alone, and still hasn't gotten over his silly one-sided boy crush on Jongin.

He didn't blame Ryeowook, his favorite hyung and the other chef in their restaurant, he knew Ryeowook hardly had time to spend with his lover, Jongwoon, who was currently a public service worker, and whose working time hardly matched Ryeowook's.
So when Ryeowook politely asked him if it's okay if he took a day off that day, murmuring something about Jongwoonie hyung asking him to stay with him, naturally Kyungsoo just smiled and told him it's okay, he'll do it.

And yet, he still couldn't understand, how coms that on New Years' Eve, the only other people working were some new girl he didn't really know but apparently knew Jongin from school, and of course, Jongin himself.
Henry went back to Canada for the holidays, taking Sungmin with him, Sehun and Luhan went to visit Luhan's family back in China and Tao had a mysterious all-day date with Kris.
That left the three of them to maintain the packed restaurant until 11, because that's what their boss decided.

It was nearly 10:30 when Jongin joined him behind the counter.
"Need help hyung?" He asked, whipping the counter clean before turning to look at Kyungsoo.
"No, it's alright," The older man glanced at the clock on the wall, "I think I'm closing the kitchen though, so no more orders, okay?"
Jongin laughed, "Yeah, if I take any more orders, we're going to stay here until midnight and you're going to end up kissing me!"
Kyungsoo froze, it was as if he'd lost the ability to think or breath or function overall for a moment, "K-Kiss you? Why would I kiss you?" He asked, eyes wide,
Jongin frowned, "Relax hyung, I'm kidding, you know, New Years'? Midnight? Kissing?"
"Oh—oh! Sorry, I just…"
"Somebody's looking for you outside?" It was the new girl, and she was speaking to Jongin, "I think he said his name was…Taemin?"
"What does that idiot want now?" Jongin rolled his eyes, "If he got dumped by a girl again I'm going to—" But Kyungsoo couldn't hear the rest of his sentence because the coffee machine decided it was a good time to make weird noises again, and he sighed, turning around to see if he could fix it.
He snorted quietly, why was he even jealous of Taemin? He knew he was Jongin's best friend and there was nothing more between them, besides, he was pretty sure Jongin wasn't into guys at all, though… did he ever see him with a girl? Or anyone else for that matter?
He definitely didn't seem the guy that would have hard time to find a girlfriend, or even if by some miracle he was into guys (which Kyungsoo was pretty sure wasn't true), a boyfriend.
Maybe he was just keeping his privacy. They were close. Close enough to go out for a meal or a jog together sometimes, close enough to call each other when something good or bad happened, close enough for a lot of things, but they have never brought up that subject.

Kyungsoo on his part was glad for that, because it would be rather awkward talking about his love interest, when that very same love interest was the one sitting in front of him and listening.
So no, there was no reason for Kyungsoo to feel any kind of jealousy. It didn't mean he didn't feel it.
Before he realized it, he finished cleaning off the last of his dishes, including the coffee machine's parts and whipped the counter and his cooking area clean again, he was about to start sweeping the floor around him when Jongin came back.

"Well, the last costumer just left, and Taemin is a pain in the ass, but that's not new. What are the chances you're helping me to close up? Apparently, the new girl uhh—Krystal? She is getting off like, now, because her sister came back from USA today and she said she can only work until 10:30? And it's nearly 11 now, so… yeah." Jongin frowned,
Kyungsoo rubbed his temples, "I love how they never bother telling us this kind of thing… of course I'll help you,"

That wasn't good. It wasn't good at all. Not after Jongin mentioned all that New Years' Eve related midnight romance kind of thing. Kyungsoo's mind seemed to have a strange ability to picture everything way too clearly, which was way too unrealistic and kind of made him want to cry.
And as if Jongin somehow read his mind earlier, once they started wiping the tables clean, he asked, "So, hyung," And a smirk sneaked on his lips.
"Yeah?" Kyungsoo, who was trying to keep himself as busy as possible with cleaning, so he doesn't have to look at these very same lips, so his mind wouldn't get any wrong ideas, so he can stay calm, as much as possible.

"How comes you told Sehun about your little crush, and never told me?" The smirk seemed to turn into a pout when Jongin saw Kyungsoo freezing, his eyes widening again, opening and closing his mouth as if he wasn't sure how to react.
Kyungsoo on his side, wasn't sure what he wanted to do first – tell Jongin it was a mistake? A lie? A girl from university? Somebody Jongin didn't know and didn't really matter? That Sehun is lying? But Sehun doesn't really lie to Jongin, he's a brat, but he's just as loyal.
On the other hand, he promised himself, that whenever Sehun is back, he definitely has to tell Luhan some kind of embarrassing secret, one which he has a whole week to think about. Just because.
"I… It's nothing that big," He muttered eventually after a while,
"Nothing big? I don't think we've ever talked about this but last time you had anything to do with anyone, was when Baekhyun had to kiss you as a dare two years ago, and well, that didn't really count because the after less than five minutes he and Chanyeol have been all but in each other's lap."
Kyungsoo pouted, "That's unfair. That was my first kiss back then."
"What? Seriously? I didn't know—I didn't think…wow." Jongin blinked at him and the older man just turned around, "It doesn't matter. Can…can we talk about something else? Please?"
He could feel the blush creeping up his face, and he definitely didn't need Jongin to see it, they were almost done cleaning anyways, just few more minutes and he can have his peace, no Jongin getting bad ideas about him, not Jongin's lips for him to look at and stop himself from imagining anything related, just he and himself, in his own little bubble of comfort. That was what he needed.

Maybe he should bake a cake. Maybe he should bake Jongin a cake—no, maybe he should hurry up and get away before any other weird ideas pop into his head and before he can't stop himself from outing them aloud.
Maybe he would finally open that bottle of wine Sungmin gave him as an early Christmas present before he and Henry went aboard.
Maybe…

"Kyungsoo?" Jongin's voice cut his line of thoughts and he mentally shook his head.
"Yes?"
"You've been staring at the space for five minutes." Jongin blinked,
"No I haven't—"
"Well, maybe not five but you have been staring at the space, is something wrong?" Jongin stepped closer and Kyungsoo suddenly felt a bad urge to step backwards, however something was keeping him glued to his place.
"Nothing is wrong, I'm just tired, let's… let's just finish closing up."
"There is mistletoe above your head." Jongin blinked after few moments when Kyungsoo didn't move and that made the older man jump in alert, getting away and making Jongin laugh, "I was joking. The only mistletoe is above the backdoor, relax. Let's finish up so you can go and rest,"
"Yeah, and you can…uh, go with your plans?" Kyungsoo hesitated for a moment before moving to mop the floor under the tables.
"Plans? Uh… yeah. Sure." Jongin said, walking around and making sure they didn't forget anything else, turning off the air conditioning and the desserts display's lights.
It didn't take too much longer for them to finish up, and by the time they were done it was 30 minutes past 11. That meant they had half an hour before the New Year came upon them, and Kyungsoo looked at the other male from behind, his heartbeat fast and his breath shaky, was he going to end up alone again this year? Did Jongin have anyone he was going to after they go out? Was it the pretty girl from university? Maybe the one from gym?

He felt himself choking on his own breath when he realized he held his breath for a little too long and let out a heavy sigh.
Jongin was looking for something in his messenger bag and seemed rather anxious when he didn't seem to find whatever he was looking for.
Was it a present for her?
And then Kyungsoo remembered he didn't even know if there really was a 'her' and if there was, then he had no idea who she was.
She might have been the nicest person on earth, a cute one… like Jongin deserved, but it still made Kyungsoo's heart ache and his stomach flipped from inside, making him sick.
It seemed that he has been stuck up in his own world of thoughts again, because he never saw Jongin smiling as he grasped the object he was looking for, pulling it out of the bag gently, carefully and turning back to Kyungsoo.

"Hey, I… I wasn't sure when would be a good time and it was kind of late for Christmas but… I guess I've got about 30 minutes left of this year and… I guess it's now or never, so uh, here." He shoved the small black paper bag into Kyungsoo's hand and turned away, taking the other male by surprise, Kyungsoo wasn't used to Jongin stumbling on his own words, somewhat insecure and slightly shaken up, but why?
"It's not much, I… I thought it fits you." He added quietly,
Kyungsoo didn't move, only holding onto the bag so it doesn't fall off, how could he forget? How could he not buy Jongin a present?
Well, it wasn't really as if he didn't look for one. He did, for a long time, wandering around shopping centers and going in and out different kinds of stores, and never finding the thing that felt quite right to be giving the person he loved, the person who wasn't supposed to know he love him, the person who was his friend.

He opened the bag slowly, taking out a small, long similarly black box decorated with a single silver ribbon, carefully opening the lid, fingers slightly trembling as he did.
"You don't have to wear it if you don't like it, I could just return it—"
It was a silver necklace, just a simple one, with a small, polished red stone hanging on it, a garnet stone. Which Kyungsoo knew just as well as Jongin did, was both his and Jongin's birthstone.
"It's…it's beautiful, you… you didn't have to…" He murmured, his mind was probably slightly biased about it, but it was the most beautiful necklace he has ever seen in his entire life.
"Now I feel like a jerk." Kyungsoo sighed, and his mind suddenly recognized that it was probably almost midnight, and that maybe Jongin had somewhere else to go while he was distracting him here.
"Wait do, don't you have plans? There must be somebody waiting for you and—I'm sorry, you've got about ten minutes to midnight you can make it—" But Jongin shook his head, smiling,
"I never said I had any plans for later," It was more of a smirk then a smile, even though it did seem slightly more nervous than Jongin would usually let anyone see.
"Do you?"
Kyungsoo blinked at him, eye unconsciously widening, "Um…no?"
It took few more moments of silence for him to register that quiet hint in Jongin's voice, "Would you… do you want to come over? I…it's not like I have anything better to do and I was going to cook something anyways and…" He trailed off nervously, looking up at his friend, why was this so awkwardly hard? They were friends after all, despite his crush, he never had any communication problems with Jongin, unless they had a serious fight, which happened quite rarely, they weren't the best friends, but they were close enough.

Yet not enough.

"You're going back home from your work as a chef, on New Year's Eve, to cook some more?" Jongin chuckled when Kyungsoo failed to answer verbally and just nodded instead, "Suit yourself." And there was a genuine smile playing on his lips.

The very same full lips Kyungsoo wanted to touch to his own, the very same lips he wanted to be closer to him, and the same lips he had to distract himself from before he did anything embarrassing.
"You don't have to… I was just suggesting," He looked away, blush creeping on his cheeks as he leaned over to turn most of the lights off, as if Jongin would really want to stay with him on that night. This was night to spend with either family or a lover, not with your male friend who you don't know (and Kyungsoo hoped he didn't know) is pretty much into you but before he could say anything further suddenly a hand caught his wrist.

"I didn't say I didn’t want to." Jongin said, voice quiet and soft yet stable, fingers tight around Kyungsoo's thin wrist.
"Oh? Oh… um… well, I guess…we could go?"
And Kyungsoo kneeled down to lock up the door from the bottom when he heard fireworks from afar, as, apparently the clock hit midnight.

So this was it. Another year has passed. It has been full of ups and downs as every year is in a different way for every person, and yet, Kyungsoo felt his heart beating faster than previous years, and it had nothing to do with the fact he was outside in the fierce cold, or the fact there were loud fireworks echoing around Seoul. No.

It was because when he stood up, Jongin was still there, not a dream or a fantasy in his mind, back in his dark, locked apartment, but here, standing, alive, next to him, even if just as a friend, there was something, something different. And Kyungsoo hated getting his hopes up because they were bound to be brought down even lower than he imagined to be possible.

However just this once, just this once, he let his heart beat to its own will and let the butterflies in his stomach move freely without trying to hide or run away.
This once, he just looked into Jongin's eyes, as if they were both trying to read each other's thoughts, and on the fifth sound of the fireworks exploding, Jongin's hands went up to cup his cheeks,
"You're freezing, but you're pink." He chuckled and Kyungsoo blushed even harder if it was even possible, and swallowed as Jongin's lips seemed closer and closer, so close he could almost feel the warm puff of air coming from them.

"J-Jong—" He was cut off by Jongin's lips brushing his, softly, gently, only for a mere second, before pulling away a little, looking at him, suddenly uncertain, somewhat anxious again and… worried?
"Jongin…" He whispered softly, feeling his eyes watering, and it most definitely did not have any connection to the wind blowing right into them, Jongin looked at him, eyes focused, trying to figure out if he should be running away for his life or…
"Jongin." Kyungsoo's lips curved into a smile as tears streamed down his cheeks, leaning in to meet Jongin's lips again, just a chaste, gentle kiss, just to let him know its mutual before he buried himself in the crook between Jongin's neck and shoulder, sobbing and wetting his jacket, arms creeping up around his neck.

"Kyungsoo…?"
But all he could hear from the older man was a soft, shaky mutter of "So stupid" and another sob followed by a sniffle.
"Hey…" Jongin tried again, rubbing Kyungsoo's back, "Did… did I do something to make you cry…? Did---"
"It's just…" Kyungsoo murmured, pulling away from Jongin's neck just enough to look at him for a moment before looking down at the ground between them.
"I thought… I thought there was somebody else, I thought… I thought you dated somebody. Taemin said before, that you were after someone, so I figured it would be one of the girls you usually talk to and… and…"
Jongin chuckled, cupping Kyungsoo's face again, "It… it took me some time, to admit it even to myself… but… I realized none of these girls really mattered, I like them, they are all nice and cute and everything but… nobody laughs and I mean, really laughs when I tell a joke, nobody desperately tries to dance along with me even though they aren't even trained at it just because my partner got injured and I was feeling down, or sing quietly when they think nobody is around, and make me feel all messed up from inside, not even one of them, is anything like you." He smiled a little, slightly embarrassed about how cheesy he must have sounded, but it has been long enough, he knew Kyungsoo has been waiting long enough, he accidently found out, a year ago, when he overheard Sehun and Luhan talking in the back room, he has been trying, since then, to understand how he felt about it.
At first it has been confusing, but now…

"I like you. A lot." He whipped the trails of tears on Kyungsoo's cheeks with his thumbs, hoping he was doing it right, it's not like he was inexperienced in relationships and confessions, it was more that he has never confessed his love to one of his best friend.
And he found himself embracing the older man again, burying his nose in the latter's hair,
"Jongin… I… I like you too, I've always thought you—"
"I'm sorry it took so long…"
"How did you even find out…?"
And Jongin smirked at that, "I have my sources. But really," and his smile softened,
"I should have said this so long ago…"
"It's…it's okay." Kyungsoo smiled, looking up again, pressing their lips together once again, this time it was less chaste, they moved against each other, Jongin nibbled on the latter's bottom lip, gently making Kyungsoo open his lips and let him slide his tongue in, caressing it with his own as it sneaked inside, before they slowly pulled away again, Jongin's right hand still on his cheek, his left resting on Kyungsoo's waist.

"Do you want to go home now? Before you get sick on the first day of the year?" Jongin laughed a softly and Kyungsoo blushed again, joining his laughter with his own,
"We should… " He murmured shyly, looking away again, but Jongin grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers together, leading them both to the building where Kyungsoo lived, which wasn't more than five minutes apart, and the moment they closed the door behind them, he pressed their lips together again,
"Happy New Year hyung" and he felt Kyungsoo smiling into the kiss in return.

There were a lot of things Kyungsoo could never understand.

One of them, was how on earth, did he end up waking up in the first morning of the year, with the comforting warmth of Jongin's chest and arms surrounding him, and soft warm puffs of air against his cheek, told him it wasn't a dream. It was way too real to be a dream.

There were a lot of things Kyungsoo would never understand, but what he knew, was this year, unlike previous ones, was going to be a good one, with all pros and cons that came with every year, starting from this year, he had his best friend, his lover, and call him cheesy but – his other half, was with him. The one Kyungsoo thought he could never have as his, and the one Kyungsoo was sure he was going to be having a one-sided crush on for many years to come, was with him, in his bed, with his arms around him, warming him up both from the inside and the outside.
And when Jongin cracked his eyes open, and smiled at him a sleepy smile as Kyungsoo looked up, he knew there was one thing he could now understand for sure.

The meaning of happiness. Satisfaction. Love.



A/N 2: Hope you liked it ^^ Excuse me for overload cheesy lines and whatnot, I just suck like that so...bear with me 8DDDDDDDDDDDD
Obviously dedicated to smile_as_a_noun because...idk why, because I felt like it, okay? -runs off to hide behind Jongin-


Comments are appriciated ^^ *gives away heart shaped cookies*
 
 
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
 
 
 
xxhnaxxhna on December 4th, 2013 04:51 am (UTC)
That is a greaaaat New Years !