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10 December 2013 @ 01:20 am
[Oneshot] Play of Destiny  
Title: Play of Destiny
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Kaisoo
Summary: They have been together from the moment Jongin was born, it never seemed wrong to do what was so natural. Everything in life has a reason – so did everything in theirs.
Wordcount: 9,280



A/N: I've only been writing this for few days, but it's been awhile since I got any 9k words long fanfic out, so hopefully you like it. I was inspired a lot by Miracles in December, maybe because I've been listening to it on loops ever since it got out. Enjoy =)

“Do you ever wonder why things have to turn out the way they do?”
Nicholas Sparks, A Walk to Remember



Kyungsoo and Jongin have been together from the moment Jongin was born, neither of them could actually remember it, but they had a photo and their parents to prove it.
Their parents have been close friends and neighbors for many years, so naturally they played together, they even celebrated their birthdays together since they were only two days apart, and so naturally, when it was time for Kyungsoo to go to kindergarten for the first time, his eyes widened and watered when his parents told him Jongin couldn't come with him yet.
"Why can't Jonginnie come too?" But his mother's cellphone started ringing, and there was a knock on the door and his father had to get it, so he was left alone, without an answer.

When it was time for Kyungsoo to go to school for the first time though, he didn't ask his parents anymore, because Jongin took his hand and smiled brightly,
"Mommy said I can't come with you yet, but I will next year!" Jongin grinned at the older boy,
"Okay," Kyungsoo murmured, examining their intertwined fingers before looking up and smiling back.
"Can we go play now?" Jongin asked, receiving a nod and drugging his best friend to his room.

And so the days turned into months, and it was Christmas Eve when Jongin got permission to sleep over at Kyungsoo's house, to wait for Santa together.
So Kyungsoo took out a colorful book they have been reading at school, telling Jongin a story about a mermaid who fell in love with a human, and despite everything, she loved him so much that she was willing to give up all she had just to be able to be with him.
By the end of the story, the older boy was sobbing and sniffling, and Jongin placed his hand on the other boy's,
"Hyung, why are you crying?" He asked, slightly confused,
"Because… I thought… it's… it's sad, how can it be so hard to be with the person you love?" Jongin chuckled, whipping the tears from Kyungsoo's puffed cheeks with his tiny thumbs,
"It's okay hyung, I'll always be with you." He hugged him tight, like his mother used to hug him when he was upset and Kyungsoo leaned in.
That night, they were going to stay up all night long - waiting for Santa, but they ended up falling asleep, hugging each other on Kyungsoo's bed.
There was nothing wrong about it.

After that, it became a habit for them to sleepover at each other's houses on weekends. They played games, read together and imagined things – what would they do when they grow up? What would happen in the future? What was it like when dinosaurs existed and what if there were real dragons on earth? Were there life outside of this planet? Why were girls so weird?
One weekend, just as usual, Kyungsoo came to Jongin's house, and one of Jongin's sisters was the one to open the door, behind her, Kyungsoo noticed another boy, a boy he's never seen before, that seemed about Jongin's noona's age, his hands were resting on her waist and there was a goofy smile on both of their faces, like the ones Jongin and Kyungsoo had when they played tag and ended up in a tickles fight with each other.
"Hello noona!" The 11 years old boy smiled at the older girl,
"Hey Kyungsoo, looking for Jonginnie again?" She asked and he nodded,
"Come in! This is my Hyunwoo, by the way." She added when Kyungsoo looked at the older boy, confusion clear on his face.
"Is Hyunwoo noona's best friend too?" He asked curiously, and the pair looked at each other and giggled, "You could say so," she replied and the tall boy kneeled reaching to shake Kyungsoo's hand, "I'm her boyfriend. I heard you were a very close and important friend,"
Kyungsoo shook the offered hand and smiled a little shyly before Jongin appeared from the kitchen and dragged him to his room.

That night Kyungsoo looked at Jongin curiously, when their knees touched as they played video games, when Jongin's arm wrapped around his shoulders as they read another book together, when Jongin's eyes sparkled as he told him about The Nutcracker, a ballet performance his parents took him to,
"I'm going to be a dancer too!" He announced, and showed Kyungsoo how he managed to spin like the guy from the ballet.
Kyungsoo has never watched The Nutcracker or ballet, but he smiled and applauded anyways, because Jongin spinning was beautiful, and because Jongin's eyes were sparkling, and the smile he smiled when he finished was the brightest smile Kyungsoo has ever seen.
When Jongin sat down, next to his best friend, he grinned, "Do you think I could be a professional?"
"Of course you can! My Jonginnie is the best!" And Kyungsoo planted a tiny kiss on his cheek, they both flushed, staring at each other before the 10 years old boy cupped the older boy's cheeks in his hands like he's seen Hyunwoo doing to his noona once when they didn't know he was there, and pressed their lips together, just for a second, before pulling away.
"Is Jongin my boyfriend now?" Kyungsoo asked, slightly confused, his heart was beating faster than usual, and he wonder if that was normal.
Jongin grinned, "If you want…"

It was few days later, when Jongin met Kyungsoo outside of their school to go back home together, that Kyungsoo looked at him with sad, teary eyes.
"What happened?" Jongin asked him, worried.
He had his first ballet group meeting today during the break when they usually get to meet, and Kyungsoo started the day an hour earlier because of choir.
"My daddy… he… he… he told me two boys can't be boyfriends." Kyungsoo sobbed,
"He said it's wrong…"
Jongin hugged the older boy as tight as he could.
"It's okay… this isn't true… there is a boy in my class who has two dads! It can't be true…"
"Really?"
Jongin nodded, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers together, like he did every time Kyungsoo was sad,
"Sehunnie said, his parents told him that it doesn't matter who you love as long as both of you are happy together." Jongin murmured, looking away shyly, and Kyungsoo looked up at him,
"Do- do you…?" But Jongin didn't reply, he just tightened his hold on Kyungsoo's hand, tugging him along to keep going, and Kyungsoo whipped his eyes with his sleeve, catching up to the younger boy's pace.
Before separating to go home that day, Jongin held the older boy's shoulders and looked into his eyes,
"Let's make it a secret, okay? So he doesn't bother you anymore." And Kyungsoo nodded, eyes wide, understanding.


The First time they fought, kind of, came three years later, Kyungsoo was 14 and Jongin was 13.
While Kyungsoo was busy with choir and finally got to meet Jongin after two busy weeks.
He waited for him next to the dance studio as they promised, but when Jongin got out, he wasn't alone.
There was a black haired, tall girl who was walking a little bit too close to Jongin, giggling at him, and punching his shoulder playfully,
Kyungsoo could feel his eyes watering, there was a painful pang of jealousy in his heart, and the next thing he knew - he turned around and ran before Jongin had any chance to approach him.
He knew Jongin was popular with the girls, he danced well, and was nice and good looking.
But he was Kyungsoo's. He never seemed interested in any of the other girls, so why now? Was it because Kyungsoo wasn't around him for the past two weeks? What if he didn't like him anymore?
Kyungsoo entered one of the toilet stalls and closed the door, forgetting to lock it, not able to think straight through the tears.
He didn't notice the bigger boy following him to the bathrooms, and was taken by surprise as the door was yanked open and the boy entered the room.
He never remembered that boy's name, but he used to tease and bully everyone who seemed weaker to him. Sometimes, when Kyungsoo was alone, he'd pick on him too, but not too much because Jongin would always be there… and nobody messed with Jongin, because despite the childish belief that boys who dance ballet aren't manly enough, Jongin had muscles, and was strong. And everybody knew it because he once got in troubles for punching somebody who bullied Kyungsoo, so hard that the other kid moved schools.
Kyungsoo knew it wasn't as bad as people made it sound, because that other kid was about to move anyways, because his parents had to go to another country, he heard his mother talking about it.
But he didn't have Jongin now. Jongin didn't even know he was here, and also… maybe Jongin didn't really care anymore… because he had another person to care for…
Kyungsoo saw this boy hitting Yixing, a Chinese boy who moved to their school not long ago, but Yixing fought back and the teacher came to separate them.
There were no teachers here either, and Kyungsoo didn't really know how to fight back anyways.
"What's wrong? Scared to play with me when your little boyfriend isn't around?"
Kyungsoo bit his lip harder at the mention of that word. Boyfriend. It was a secret, right?

The boy shoved him on the floor, and Kyungsoo fell backwards, his upper back hitting hard on the toilet seat and he let out a pained scream.
The bully took Kyungsoo's hands and held them above his head, his knee between Kyungsoo's legs,
"What? Scared I'm going to find out you have the wrong parts to be here?" He smirked, and Kyungsoo was frozen in place.
All he could think of was how he wanted Jongin to be there, because only Jongin could make everything okay again, it didn't matter if Jongin liked that girl now instead of Kyungsoo, he didn't care he just—
"Kyungsoo? Hyung are you here?" It was Jongin's worried voice, has he been looking for him?
"Jongin!" He called and earned himself a punch in the face, crying out loudly and suddenly Jongin appeared in front of him, yanking the taller boy out of the stall and away from Kyungsoo.
"Get. Out. Before I get mad." Jongin's eyes were scary, mad and the other boy didn't make the mistake of waiting around for him to explode, he ran away.
Jongin turned to kneel in front of Kyungsoo, hands softly touching the fresh bruise that was forming red and blue on the corner of Kyungsoo's lip.
"I'm sorry…" Jongin whispered and the older boy fell forwards into his arms, clutching tight onto his shirt, tears streaming down his cheeks,
"It's… It's okay if you don't like me anymore…" Kyungsoo whispered, "It's okay if you like that girl, just… just don't—don't leave me…" He stuttered,
Jongin froze.
"What?"
"I said it's –"
But Jongin pulled away, cupping the older boy's cheeks between his hands, making sure he was looking into his eyes.
"Hyung… is… is that about Yuri?"
"Is that your girlfriend's name?" Kyungsoo looked away, but Jongin whipped held him firmly in place, "Hyung look at me."
"Jongin don't—"
"Hyung… Kyungsoo. Yuri, the girl who was with me just now? She's my noona's friend, I was moved to the advanced group now, so I get to be her partner." He added, "There is nothing, nothing in this world, that could make me stop liking you hyung. Remember that."
"Jongin…"
Their lips touched for the first time in nearly a month, and it just made fresh tears roll down Kyungsoo's cheeks again, as the kiss turned into more than just a soft brush of lips against lips, they moved slowly, feeling every bit of each other, trying to convey the mess of emotions each of them was feeling.
Kyungsoo's arms wrapped themselves around the younger boy's neck, pulling him closer, holding onto him desperately.
Jongin's left hand went down to the older boy's waist, holding him firmly, closely, while his right hand rested on Kyungsoo's cheek.
He nibbled on Kyungsoo's lower lip before pulling away, both of them panting a little, and Kyungsoo looked up at him through glassy, red, puffy, wide eyes.
"I love you." He said, voice breathy and shaking but full of emotion, and Jongin pulled him back into his arms, holding him as close and as tight as possible without breaking him, rubbing comforting circles on his back.
"I do too, hyung." He whispered, breath tickling the other boy's neck, "Kyungsoo…"
The latter shut his eyes, letting himself sink into the other boy's warmth, comforted by the mere sound of Jongin's breath against him.
It wasn't really a fight, more like a misunderstanding, but that was the first time Kyungsoo has ever doubted Jongin, and it turned out, with the years, not to be the last one.
However at the time, Kyungsoo swore in his heart, he will never stop loving Jongin. He could never.
And at the same time, Jongin swore in his heart, he would never leave him. That he would never, ever let anyone hurt Kyungsoo again.

As years pass and as life goes, they both grew up – physically (though Kyungsoo remained small to his age and Jongin got taller) and mentally (even if they still acted like little brats to each other sometimes), Jongin was 16 when the opportunity to make his dream come true stood in front of his eyes for the first time, waiting for him to grab it.
There was a big agency holding auditions, looking for fresh, talented dancers for a musical.
"You should go for it." Kyungsoo told him one day on their way home from school, it was one of the rare days they got off at the same time and neither of them had to stay overtime at school, for studies, music, dance or any other kinds of duties, it was just a little past 5PM, and the streets were already getting dark and cold.
"I don't know, it's Seoul, I mean, what are the chances—" but he jumped in pain as Kyungsoo punched his arm, a little harder than he usually would.
"What was that good for?!"
"For you being an idiot. Are you really that dumb or are you just looking for compliments?"
"What?"
"Jongin, you're the best dancer I've seen in my entire life and I'm not saying this just because I love you, and I do, but I'm saying this because it's true, and I know, everybody, including people who are older than you, thinks so." The older boy smiled at him, and Jongin leaned a little closer, making his eyes go wide.
"Wha-What..?"
But the younger boy chuckled and straightened himself again, "Nothing, you're cute."
"Shut up." Kyungsoo groaned, turning around and started walking again, trying to hide his blush.
They walked in silence for what seemed like long minutes, before Jongin broke it,
"Thank you, hyung." He looked at Kyungsoo, and the other was looking away, cheeks still flushed and heart beating faster, he mentally cursed himself for still being affected that bad by Jongin's presence, by Jongin's voice, by Jongin overall.
"Just… just go and do it. Thank me when you get in."
"Hey…" Jongin stopped walking and looked around, there was nobody around them, they were standing next to the old, small playground, one they used to play at back when they were kids, surrounded by trees, he could still remember the time when Kyungsoo fell from the swings and his knee got scratched and bloody, and he held his hand, and helped him back home, letting the older boy lean onto him. It still made him smile remembering.
He knew he was taking a risk of being seen, but the trees were thick enough anyways, and it didn't stop him from brushing the soft bangs away from Kyungsoo's face, pressing a soft, sweet kiss to his lips.
"What did I do in my previous life to deserve you?" He asked softly, and Kyungsoo didn't reply. Couldn't reply, he just hugged the other as tight as he could,
"Just… don't forget me when you get busy…"
"You know I could never…" Jongin whispered, pressing their cheeks together, he could feel the wet trail of tears on Kyungsoo's right cheek and he smiled before pulling away a little, whipping the tears with his thumbs, just like he used to when they were kids,
"What am I going to do with you?" He chuckled, and Kyungsoo only cried harder, clutching his shirt. He knew he was being a crybaby, and there wasn't even anything to be crying for, but the tears, as always, seemed to have a mind of their own whenever he was around Jongin.

And so, Jongin did pass the auditions, just like Kyungsoo predicted, and now they only saw each other sometimes in the mornings, Jongin now had rehearsals during both week days and weekends in addition to studies and other school duties while Kyungsoo was studying hard for his finals, as it was his last year of high school, along with being in charge of the music class' end of year performance and the year book, it didn't leave any of them much time for anything.
Jongin's first performance was planned for the end of January, and he has been even busier when December came, but he still got a day off for Christmas, or more like, an evening off, and so did Kyungsoo.
Naturally, this was that time of the year again, when they really wanted to be together, more than always, maybe because it was a Christmas when they first slept in each other's arms, back when it was still childish and innocent, but it was special.
Christmas was also when Jongin's parents found out.
Kyungsoo still remembered the four of them sitting at Jongin's family's dining table, when he was 12, Jongin's mother stood up, circled the table, and when he thought she was going to scold him for ruining her son like he knew his parents would surely do, she hugged him.
She hugged him and told him it's okay, she told him she was glad she had such a 'good man' to take care of her son and keep him out of troubles.
They knew Kyungsoo's parents weren't going to be as accepting as this, and promised to keep their secret.
Ever since that day, their overnight play dates have been in Jongin's house and today was no different.
Kyungsoo took a deep breath as he entered through the gate and closed it behind him, Jongin was standing there, leaning against the wall, waiting for him.
He seemed more tired than usual, but Kyungsoo knew he has been, because he has been working hard to keep it up with everything. He was kind of proud of him, but it still made his heart ache a little to see him so drained.
When their gazes met however, Jongin smiled brightly, and when Kyungsoo reached him, all he did was circling his arms around him and pulling him inside, closing the door behind them before planting soft butterfly kisses all over his face before finally pressing their lips together and kissing him fully, like he has been wanting for the past god knows how long.
Kyungsoo let his eyes shut, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's neck, pulling him closer, losing himself in his scent, in his presence, in that closeness.
Jongin's arms were still around his waist, when they pulled away, panting a little, and he looked down at the older boy, "I missed you."
Kyungsoo looked up, eyes glassy, and whispered, "Jongin…" he was pulled into a tight, warm embrace again, burying his face in Jongin's face, like he had wanted to do for so long. Too long.
"So much…" Jongin whispered into his hair, breath tickling his nape and Kyungsoo couldn't think of another place in the entire galaxy, he wanted to be at more than here, in Jongin's arms, against his chest.
No matter how insecure he has been before, no matter how much he has been thinking, no matter how many 'what if's came along, the moment Jongin held him like this, he knew he belonged there, just there, more than anywhere else.
"Just go already! I don't want to see you!" was the yell that broke them from their private bubble, it was Jongin's sister, and it was coming from the kitchen.
"I… I didn't mean to… wait…"
"I. don't. want. To see you. Right now. Go." She said, her voice loud and furious, she rushed up the stairs, slamming her room's door closed.
Hyunwoo stood there, speechless before his eyes fell on the younger boys.
"Hyung…. What have you done?" Jongin's voice was threatening. Low and quiet, but threatening, and Kyungsoo held his sleeve, just in case. He knew how furious Jongin could get when something happened to one of his sisters.
"I just… she wasn't supposed to see it." Hyunwoo sighed, covering his face in his hands.
"Hyung."
"She saw me in a jewelry shop, with another girl, now she wouldn't listen to me."
"Why were you there with another girl?" Jongin's frowned, eyes dangerous and Kyungsoo knew better than to let him out of his grip.
"It's not what you think! Oh god what have I done… I…" Hyunwoo reached into his pocket and took out a small box, "That girl, she's a childhood friend of mine, she offered to help me because… oh god this is so wrong…"
"Hyung," Kyungsoo's wide eyes sparkled in realization and he smiled, "Are you…?"
And the older man nodded,
"You… you should talk to her."
"What? Kyungsoo—what?" Jongin looked back at his boyfriend in disbelief and confusion, but the latter just smiled mysteriously, looking at Hyunwoo knowingly and then up at the door to Jongin's sister's room.
Hyunwoo bit his lower lip before nodding and making his way up.
"What…"
"Come on, we have things to do." Kyungsoo smiled, drugging Jongin into his own room, despite the younger boy's protests.
"He was picking out a ring for her." He explained once they closed the door behind them,
"What? But…"
"You know, they have been together for a very long time, and they're both old enough now." Kyungsoo propped himself on his elbows on Jongin's bed and the owner of the bed climbed up to join him.
"We have been together longer." Jongin mentioned and Kyungsoo giggled,
"But we're not old enough for that, besides…" He sighed, "It's not like we could… you know," He trailed off, looking out from the window. It was snowing.
"Hyung…" Jongin reached for his hand, "Kyungsoo…"
"Don't worry about it." Kyungsoo's voice was choked as he spoke, and Jongin swore he heard him sniffling.
"Kyungsoo." He got off his bed and kneeled in front of the other boy.
"I said it's okay. I just… it's nothing, I'm stupid." But Jongin's hands were on his cheeks, cupping them gently to make sure he was looking into his eyes.
"We'll work it out. Whatever it is, I…" He took a deep breath, " I was actually going to wait with this until it's time, you know, for presents… but…" He let go of Kyungsoo's cheeks before turning around to get something from his drawer.
"As you said, it's not like we can, you know… but it doesn't mean I can't give you this, as sappy as it is, I love you and… you're the one I see myself spending the rest of my life with, and it doesn't matter if we hardly see each other and busy because this will end soon, and we are still here… so… I guess what I'm trying to say is… urgh, I don't know. I just… I love you." He managed eventually and cursed himself for failing at words like this at such a time, he opened the small black box, and there were two simple silver rings in it.
"I want you to have this, if you'd accept, so we always remember, even when we're busy and full of everything, that we still have each other."
And before he could do anything, Kyungsoo's arms were around his neck again, sobbing into his chest, murmuring incoherent words that sounded like something between "I love you" and "you're so stupid" and "I love you" again.
And for the first time in ages, Kyungsoo wasn't the only one crying.



Do Kyungsoo was 21 when he first came out to his parents.
It wasn't supposed to happen, but it did and it was horrible. And the worst part, was that he didn't even have anyone to cry to about it anymore, because Jongin wasn't there anymore.
Do Kyungsoo was 19 when he told his boyfriend he doesn't want to be the one keeping him from fully fulfilling his dreams, and that if Jongin was holding back from going to pursue his studies and career aboard, he didn't want them to be together anymore.
They both cried, and yelled and didn't know what to say anymore, so he just stood up and left, without looking back.
He never replied to Jongin's texts. Not the one telling him he's sorry. Not the one telling him he loves him. Not the one telling him thank you for everything, and that he will never forget him and not the one saying, "Take care of yourself, I'll come back for you one day."
He never replied to any of them, he just curled up under his blanket and cried himself sick, until Sehun paid him a visit, telling him he had to move on, and Kyungsoo figured Jongin told him to keep an eye on him, but let Sehun drag him out of bed anyways.
This was also how, two year later, his parents found out.
It really was not supposed to happen. It was messed up. It was not how it was supposed to go. But Kyungsoo has had enough.
Sehun came to pick him up for a movie, just them and a couple of friends, just to relax on the weekend, they have done it a lot in the past year, and he was waiting for Kyungsoo to finish dressing up when Kyungsoo's mother asked him where was his mother.
Sehun, despite being the bratty dongsaeng he has always been, was too polite to say anything but "I only have two fathers. I do not know the whereabouts of my biological mother though."
"How could that be?" Kyungsoo's mother asked, and that was when Kyungsoo came out of his room, just to see tears shinning in Sehun's eyes.
"How could what be?" Kyungsoo asked coldly,
"Hyung, it's nothing. I'm sorry," Sehun bowed to Kyungsoo's mother, but Kyungsoo stood between them, and looked up at his mother.
"Is there something wrong?" He asked,
"N-No it's just—"
"It's just that kids should be raised by a mother and a father, not by two of the same role. Your mother was just surprised, that's all. I don't get this, how is it even legally possible to—"
"Shut up." And it was the first time Kyungsoo has ever spoken up to his parents. On this matter at least.
"What did you say kid?" His father frowned, but Kyungsoo didn't care, that tone didn't scare him anymore. Much.
"I said. Do not speak to my friend this way, do not speak of his parents this way. You don't even know what you're saying. You don't know what it feels like, do you?" Kyungsoo looked up, angry, furious, all emotions he has been keeping inside all those years, just because Jongin told him they should keep it as a secret, so Kyungsoo doesn't get in trouble. All those years he had Jongin protecting him from this, now he knew, he couldn't run away from this forever. He couldn’t away from himself forever, and now, from all those times, he wanted Jongin to be here, he wanted Jongin to be the one to hold his hand and tell him it's going to be alright, he wanted Jongin to be the one to kiss him and whip his tears and it hurt even more to remember this will never happen. He has never replied, and there was no guarantee, despite what Jongin wrote him, that he was ever coming back. And that he was ever coming back alone.
Kyungsoo fought the tears as he felt Sehun's hand on his shoulder, "Hyung, stop. It's really okay…"
"No. It isn't." He was beyond anger, "What did you think? If you kept bashing it, if you kept badmouthing everybody, that you could keep it from happening in your house?" He looked up at his father,
"Did you think you could stop me from… from loving Jongin, just by telling me boys couldn't be each other's boyfriends?" His parents looked at him, eyes wide.
"What did you say?" His father asked quietly, yet fiercely.
"What you have heard. I'm not going to explain this to you."
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. NOW."

He did. And he never looked back.
The only things he bothered taking with him, were his savings, a backpack of clothes, three old books of fairytales, the photo he still kept under his pillow, because he didn't want to forget, not really.
And his ring, the ring swore to wear forever, no matter what happened.
Sehun's parents gladly let him stay over, both were understanding, and welcoming, both knowing the pains of coming out, both understanding him more than anyone in the entire world could.
Anyone but Jongin.
His heart still ached. That night, that first night away from home, he has cried into the pillow Sehun gave him, cried so much he ended throwing up.
There was nobody, nothing in the world, who, what could replace Jongin, he felt homesick. Not to his own room, not to his house or parents, but to the place he has belonged to the most. To Jongin's arms, to Jongin's chest. Jongin…
That night he has seen him in his dreams.
The next night, was the first time Kyungsoo drank, and drank so much he lost himself, so much he fell unconscious, so much Sehun and Tao carried him all way back to Sehun's bedroom, and he didn’t wake up until it was afternoon.
Throwing up and having a massive headache in addition to his heartache.

"Hey," Sehun passed him a glass of water, sitting on the edge of his own bed,
"How are you feeling?"
Kyungsoo just whimpered quietly before raising himself a little to take a sip from the water and Sehun laughed bitterly,
"Don't do this anymore hyung."
"I don't know what to do anymore Sehun… I… I'm sorry," The older male sighed eventually,
"You know what, maybe you should let your emotions out in a more positive way?" Sehun suggested, a strange smile creeping onto his lips.
"What?"
"Well, I… Do you remember Luhan hyung? Tao's roommate on campus?"
Kyungsoo nodded,
"He is going to sing in the singing competition on campus, and well, Tao and I talked about it, we think you should join too."
And for some reason, it clicked and made sense in Kyungsoo's mind. He hasn't had any chances to sing in public ever since graduating High School, he hasn't had any will to do anything ever since Jongin left.
Music, singing, have always been the best ways for him to express himself, he knew that, he just couldn't even think of anything like that lately, though thinking about it now…
"You're right." He murmured to Sehun's surprise.




"Hey, what's up?" Sehun smiled a little at the familiar voice on the other side of the line,
"When did you get back to Korea?"
"Not long ago… I… you can't tell Kyungsoo, just yet… okay?"
"What? Jongin he—he's… you haven't seen him, he's broken. How could you even… I know he told you to, I know he never replied, I know everything, but you… you haven't seen him this way, for the past two freaking years."
"I know. Sehun, I know, I swear I just… I can't. I… I signed up a contract, with a company here. I… I just can't jump back into it yet… I'll let him know, in my own pace. I swear I will."
"Don't swear to me. Swear to him. He is the one you're hurting Kim Jongin. You are going to regret this. One day, he will stop waiting for you. You are one of my best friends Jongin, but you are also the biggest asshole in the entire world at the moment."
And that was the end of the conversation.

Kyungsoo bit his lower lip, so Jongin really didn't want him to know he was back?
He leaned against the wall in Sehun's room, looking up, not bothering to hold his tears anymore.

It was Sunday, nearly a week after Kyungsoo heard Sehun talking on the phone, it was the day Kyungsoo would finally be able to perform, it was the day he would let it all out.
He almost wished that by some miracle, Jongin would be there, sitting in the front line like Kyungsoo always used to do for Jongin's performances, smiling, cheering for him.
He knew it was never going to happen, so instead he took a deep breath, unbuttoning the upper button of his jacket.
"Nervous?" Luhan asked him, a soft smile on his lips.
Kyungsoo shook his head before thinking again, "Well, just a little." He murmured making Luhan chuckle,
"It's always like this, right? If I weren't feeling nervous, I'd be scared something is wrong." He said and Kyungsoo couldn't agree more.
It wasn't until he was already holding the cold microphone in his right hand, standing by for his turn, that he felt that pang in his heart, the one he felt every time he and Jongin had any kind of an argument, every time he got jealous, the one that hurt the most when Jongin left, when Kyungsoo couldn't bring himself to reply, when he couldn't bring himself to face it, it was back.
He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he heard his name being called and stepped up, making his way to the front, to the center of the stage.
He could see Sehun and Tao in the front line, smiling at him, encouraging smiles.
He knew Luhan was behind him, and despite taking part in the same competition against each other, was there for him.
He closed his eyes as the music started playing, letting himself melt into the soft sounds of violin and piano as he brought his microphone up to his lips and sang. Letting it all out.
Letting all that emotion out, he opened his eyes, and even though he did, in front of them he could see him, the first time they slept in the same bed, back on Christmas, the first time Jongin kissed him, the first time they argued, the first time they drifted apart, the first time he told him to go away, and the first time Jongin actually did, the first time he ignored Jongin.
Everything was coming back to him, along with the notes surrounding him, along with the words he sang and he closed his eyes again.
He felt the warm tears rolling down his cheeks, and he couldn't care less.
The song he chose fitted perfectly, it was a song about lost love, about pain, longing for everything to come back, it was everything he felt.
Only when he was done singing, when the last note of the piano rang and faded, he opened his eyes.
Opened his eyes to see the crowd was silent for a moment, some of the girls who were closer to the stage and he could see, seemed to have been crying, Tao and Sehun had worried frowns on their faces for a moment, but the silence was almost immediately replace by loud applauds.
And Kyungsoo was pretty sure that it was his imagination - That it was just him being over stroke by emotions, but he thought he saw Jongin, behind everyone, just standing there, looking at him with sad, glassy eyes.
He was pretty sure it was just his imagination because after he bowed, and looked up again, he wasn’t there anymore and he bitterly laughed in his mind. Stupid.
And he got off stage, catching Luhan's gaze and mouthing "Good Luck", and Luhan nodded, mouthing a "Thank you, you did well." And giving him thumbs up before going up to the stage.
Kyungsoo let himself fall against the wall as he listened to Luhan singing his number.
Why couldn't he just let go? Why was it so hard? He didn't want to let go… he didn't want to know Jongin would never be back for him… he didn't want to…

Eventually, it was Kyungsoo who won that competition.
However he couldn't seem to find the excitement in winning as he usually would have, the tears in his eyes weren't from joy, but when Luhan, Tao and Sehun surrounded him in a big group hug, he wondered, for the first time, maybe it was all for good? Because if Jongin hadn't left, he wouldn't have gotten so close to Sehun, he would have never talked to Tao, never met Luhan, never sang on stage again.
And it made his heart feel a little lighter, but the pain remained, and he didn't know how long it was going to take to heal, but maybe one day, one day it would.

After his first competition, which earned him some recognition for his talent around campus, he found himself a part-time job in a small family restaurant so he could move out on his own and not burden Sehun and his parents, even if they kept telling him they didn't mind even if he had to stay until he finished university and found a real job, yet he felt guilty for hanging there for too long, and few months later has moved to live on campus dorms.
He talked to his academic advisor about changing majors.
He has taken up business to please his parents, but this has been so far from his real passion, so far from his heart, that he couldn't bear it anymore. Besides, he didn't have to do that for his parents anymore, they didn't even care where he has been or what he has been doing.
So he applied for several scholarships and got approved on some of them, finally changing his major to music in the first semester a year later.

It was the middle of December, cold and snowy, just like every year, but this year, Kyungsoo has busied himself as much as possible, not to think about it, so he doesn't remember, so he doesn't have to think about it.
"Kyungsoo, there is somebody in the front who's looking for you." Ryeowook, the owner of the restaurant told him one evening,
"Me?" Kyungsoo looked up from the dishes he has been washing
"Yeah," Ryeowook smiled, "I think he's some… company's representative?"
Kyungsoo seemed even more confused, some company's representative? Looking for him? What on the world has he done already?
"Okay I'll just—" He looked down at the pile of dishes waiting to be washed,
"Go, I'll take care of this, the pressure went down already. Go." Ryeowook pushed him a little as Kyungsoo whipped his hands with the towel before nodding, still confused as he headed out.
There was indeed a man, wearing some kind of business suit, waiting for something, and Kyungsoo assumed it was the man Ryeowook told him about.
He hesitated a little before walking up to the said man, not really sure what to expect, why would a stranger be looking for him?
There were few reasons that could bring a stranger to pay him a visit, but he didn't really want to think of these.
Instead he walked up to the man and cleared his throat,
"I'm Do Kyungsoo, did you ask for me?" He asked formally, looking up at the man, who looked back at him before at something in the file holder he had in his hand, then back at Kyungsoo, and nodded.
"Do Kyungsoo, 22 years old, live on campus three streets away, recently changed majors to music in Seoul National University, won several singing competitions in the past year am I correct?" He looked up from his papers to meet Kyungsoo's wide, shocked and confused eyes,
"Y-Yes?" The younger male stuttered, and the other man reached to his pocket, taking out a business card and handing it to Kyungsoo.
"SM…Entertainment?" He blinked;
He recognized the name, because Luhan has been scouted by them on the street few months ago when he went shopping with some of his other friends. He hasn't seen him almost at all lately though. Why would they…?

Kyungsoo wasn't sure how it happened, but not even a week later, he found himself in the company's building, a number attached to his shirt, biting his lip as he looked around, there were about 50 of them in the room, he felt his heart beating against his chest as if he has been running, just worse.
"Psst, Kyungsoo—" He heard a whisper from the door and turned around to see Luhan peeking into the room.
"Hyung!" He whispered, making his way to the other man, "You're not supposed to be here…"
"I just came to tell you good luck," Luhan smiled, "You'll do well, you know you will."
He caught his hand in his and squeezed it, "Just relax and do what you know the best, okay?"
Kyungsoo nodded, "Thanks, hyung, really."
"I'll see you when you're done, okay? Text me later,"

He made it.
He passed the auditions.
His mind still couldn't wrap itself around everything; Do Kyungsoo was now officially a trainee of S.M Entertainment.

Upon passing the auditions and becoming a trainee, he has been training nonstop, and it was already that time of the year, but he wouldn't have even remembered if they didn't hold their first in-company showcase as trainees set on Christmas Eve.
Something that was apparently supposed to show the progress they have made in the past two weeks.
If Kyungsoo was told that before, he'd laugh it off and say how much progress could one make in merely two weeks of training?
Now he knew. A lot.
If you work all day long, from sunrise to midnight, and give your best – you do.
The night before Christmas, he stayed up and went back to studio after everyone else left for bed.
He still hasn't got that dance routine right, he wasn't the best dancer in the world, but he knew he couldn't let himself stay behind.
He stood in front of the mirror of the dance studio in his training clothes and suddenly remembered what Jongin told him once about dance.
"It's like, like what you feel when you sing hyung. You become one with the music right? So here you become one with the music, you feel the beat and you live with every single bit of your body. Imagine every single muscle, even the tiniest one, is the most important. Your body and soul have to merge into the music." He could hear Jongin's voice so clearly in his head; he could almost see his eyes shining in admiration for the subject he has been talking about.
Kyungsoo closed his eyes, trying to feel, feel his entire body.
He took a deep breath before trying out the steps again, following the routine they have learned earlier, first slowly, remembering it.
Then he added the power, like he has seen Jongin do countless times years ago.
He turned on the music, quietly, just so he could hear it playing along, and started all over again.
He didn't know how long he stayed there, following the same routine over and over again, all he knew was that he was sweating and his shirt stuck to his back, his forehead was a sweaty mess of bangs and he could hardly feel his feet anymore, but he had to continue, just one more time, just to make sure he had it right. Just to make sure he wasn't going to fail tomorrow.
It happened so fast, his right foot must have missed the spot by a mere millimeter, he slipped and fell to the floor.
Breathe heavy, holding onto his ankle.
It's nothing. It doesn't even hurt that much – he told himself, shutting his eyes for a moment, trying to steady his breath. It couldn't be injured, he had to dance tomorrow.
"Hyung!" He heard a faint whisper and rushed steps behind him not even seconds later.
It took him a moment to register the owner of that voice. That painfully familiar voice.
He could feel him, even before he opened his eyes he knew and he wondered if it was his mind playing tricks on him again, perhaps he has overworked himself, perhaps—
"Hyung, are you okay?" There was no mistake; he opened his eyes at the soft touch on his arm,
Looking at no other but Kim Jongin with wide eyes, it was really him… but… how?
"Jong..in?" He uttered weakly, still unsure whether he fell asleep in studio and was dreaming, or this was really Jongin, his Jongin…
Who wasn't really his anymore. He reminded himself.
Jongin didn't say a word as he removed Kyungsoo's hands from his ankle and examined it, his own hands softly touching the skin, pressing a little at some points.
Kyungsoo winced in pain, but then Jongin's hands wrapped around his ankle, pooling something, rubbing, and the pain wasn’t as bad anymore.
"Thanks god…" Jongin sighed in relief, "It's not sprained or anything, you just hit the wrong spot."

Kyungsoo was still staring at him, eyes wide, unable to speak.
What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do?


"Jongin, how…why are you here?" He asked eventually, breaking the silence, not being able to bear this anymore.
Jongin didn't seem surprised by his question, maybe he has been expecting it from the moment he burst into the room, not being able to control himself anymore when he saw Kyungsoo falling.
"I… hyung… I'm so sorry." Jongin whispered softly, sitting next to Kyungsoo.
"I… I've been here for a while actually." He sighed, knowing it's about time.
"Here…in Korea? In Seoul? I know, I… I heard you and Sehun on the phone, I thought you didn't want me to know—why would you come here if—"
"You…you heard?"
Kyungsoo looked away, "I have, I… Jongin it's okay, I understand, it's not like we could go to being…you know, we're not kids anymore…" And it was the most painful sentence he has ever said, the only other one that could compare, was back when he told him to go.
"Wait, I, yes. I have been here, in Korea, in Seoul, for the past year, but it's not just that, I… the reason I came back was that I passed the international auditions, I've been training here for the past year, I…I knew if I came back to you, I'd… I'd lose myself, I wouldn't be able to concentrate on training, and I wanted you to see it wasn't for nothing hyung. I wanted to make sure, our parting wasn't for nothing." Jongin bit his lower lip, and it was just like Kyungsoo remembered it, that apologetic look in his eyes, these full lips, everything.
"Jongin…you… you're such… a jerk."
He didn't even notice when he started crying, all he knew, was that there were now tears mixed in the sweat on his face, and he sobbed as he Jongin's hand was placed on his.
Turning his own hand around, intertwining their fingers, just like he wanted to do for the past few years.
The metal of Jongin's ring hit his own with a soft bumping noise, and he could feel it against his skin, cold, familiar, his.
"I know…" Jongin whispered softly, "I'm so sorry…"
The studio was only dimly lit, and it was mostly dark outside, but Kyungsoo could still see Jongin's lower lip trembling as he spoke, as if he one wrong move and everything in the world would end for him.
"I saw you, you know…" Kyungsoo sobbed, squeezing the other's hand tightly,
"You idiot, I saw you and I thought I was imagining things. I thought I was going crazy."
"I'm so sorry…"
"But I could never be mad at you, I could never forget you, I…" That was the moment he broke and there was nothing he could do about this.
After all these years, he has been hoping, waiting, all years of not being able to move on…
He felt Jongin's free arm hesitating around him before it brought him close, pulling him to Jongin's chest.
That chest, the warmness he has been longing for… it was all back in front of him, so close to him…
He didn't care he was probably sweaty, sticky and whatnot, he didn't care he was supposed to be mad at Jongin, he didn't care he was going to regret staying up so late in the morning.
But now, he just wanted to feel this for a little bit longer… had it been a dream, let it be a good dream.
Jongin's grip around him got tighter, and he could feel Jongin's breath above him as he pressed a soft kiss to the crown of Kyungsoo's head.
There was a soft sob, and Kyungsoo realized he wasn't the only one crying now, he looked up to see Jongin's teary face and reached his hand up to his cheek, whipping some of the tears with his thumbs, much like Jongin used to do for him years ago.
"Hyung, I'm so sorry…" Jongin whimpered, "Kyungsoo…"
There was a moment of silence, just their uneven breathes could be heard in the room, and finally, Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around the younger male's neck, pulling himself up, closer, and Jongin leaned in, pressing their lips together.
They could both feel the salt from each other's tears, both were still crying, eyes shut closed and bodies as close as physically possible.
Kyungsoo took a deep shaky breathe after they parted, letting his head rest on the crook between Jongin's neck and shoulder,
"I love you… so much…" He whispered softly and he could feel Jongin's warm shaky breathe on his ear, as he whispered back, "I love you too, always have. I hope you can forgive me…"
And Kyungsoo ignored the last sentence, because he didn't want to think about it, not now, not when everything he has ever wanted, was here, with him, so close.



It was Christmas Eve; the 20 newest trainees have been preparing to stand on the small stage in the SM Entertainment building, for a private in-company Christmas showcase.
It was nothing big - just for trainees and their mentors. Just to see the progress, just to make them work harder.
Other trainees were allowed to watch, so Kyungsoo noticed both Luhan and Jongin have been there, sitting in the first line and he had to hold himself from breaking into tears again, because this really was all he has ever wanted.
Jongin was smiling. Kyungsoo engraved that smile into his heart; he didn't want to forget it. Ever.
He closed his eyes for a moment before joining the rest of the trainees and the show begun.

It was nearly midnight when Jongin met him outside of the building, it was freezing outside, but as they walked together, making it to one small playground, just like the old one they used to pass by on their way home from school, and Jongin took his hands and placed them in his own pockets before leaning in and kissing him gently, as softly as possible, nibbling onto Kyungsoo's lower lip before the latter parted his lips, letting his tongue slid in, Kyungsoo was warm. As if there has been some kind of a magical heater just around the two of them.
This time, Kyungsoo wasn’t crying anymore, maybe it was because of the cold, maybe he didn't have any tears left to cry, but he was happy.

There are many kinds of relationships one can develop during his life.
There are many kinds of hardships one has to face during his life.
There are many kinds of good and bad events that would make one's life to be what they are.
Everything has a reason, both bad and good stuff, and looking back now, Kyungsoo knows, he doesn't regret the day he let Jongin kiss him, he doesn't regret the day he told Jongin to go on and pursue his dreams, he doesn't regret not replying to his texts or not bursting out when he found out he came back without telling him.
He doesn't regret loving Jongin, he doesn't and he likes to think, even if he can't be sure, that he will also never regret being with Jongin from the very first steps.
He knows there aren't many relationships that start so early and continue for so long, but they have somehow made it so far. So he wants to believe, they will make it further, and only the future knows what lies ahead.
Everything has a reason, Kyungsoo writes in his notebook, finishing off the lyrics for the song he has been writing and closed it.
He was 29, Jongin was 28, when they finally moved to their own apartment.
They ended up debuting when Kyungsoo turned 23, Jongin was 22, along with other people they have been training with for years, along with people they have known for even longer.
Nobody was really sure how it happened, but when EXO's debut was announced, in the eyes of 12 boys, there were only tears of joy.
They didn't really know how it happened, that 6 years later, they ended up talking to their company, they didn't even understand how they weren't kicked out the second Jongin opened his mouth to speak.
They weren't sure what lead to what, but they were here, together, and the yellow media has been full of colorful headlines and phrases about 'EXO's D.O and Kai's secret relationship that has been revealed'.
They couldn't care less though, when Joonmyun texted them to take care and sorry he couldn't help too much with the moving.
At which they laughed and texted back, telling him he could rest from them and take care of the other kids.
"I called noona, we need to go get the babies before Hyunwoo goes to work, are you coming?" Jongin asked, sneaking his arms around Kyungsoo's waist from behind.
"Do I even have a choice?" He giggled, and then let out a low moan as Jongin playfully bit his earlobe before whispering, "Not really…"
"Come on, your puppies don't need to wait until their daddy decides he stops being an old pervert." Kyungsoo smirked, making his lover groan and putting his notebook away on the coffee table.
He did plant a quick kiss on his lips before they left.

There has definitely been reason for everything. There had to be.
Maybe this was what people meant when they said destiny.



A\N 2 : Thanks for reading, feel free to comment and I'll give you cookies <3

 
 
Current Mood: accomplishedaccomplished
Current Music: EXO - Miracles in December
 
 
 
serratedteethserratedteeth on December 10th, 2013 05:47 pm (UTC)
Baaaaawwww. When people make Babysoo cry, I basically cannot not get teary. I was totally hearing Miracles in December when Kyungsoo was singing his poor little heart out during the competition and making the sad face that he does when he sings the end. Baaaaaaaaaaw.
nana575: pic#122316405nana575 on December 10th, 2013 06:26 pm (UTC)
Thanks for reading! <3 I was totally not listening to that song for the 10000th time when I wrote that part! -lies-
Leinadumolla on December 10th, 2013 08:06 pm (UTC)
Oh my goodness. I just love Kyungsoo and ugh this was perfection. ; u ;
seasaltcreamseasaltcream on January 7th, 2014 11:03 am (UTC)
I really enjoyed the pacing of this fic!! And the characterization of Jongin was really spot on :) adding to my memories
Fabbs <시연>: Kaisoostrawberry_kpop on December 5th, 2014 08:30 pm (UTC)
This makes me cries all over and makes my heart feel warm ;____; what are feels ♡